Tooth Fairy In The Making

Thursday, October 19, 2006

Selfishness or Selflessness?

I admit that there is the distinct possibility that I am - in fact - a selfish girl.

I have been staying in this apartment for the past year and with each passing day I'm just waiting for the day that I can move out and stay alone - no crazy housemate, no having to compromise, no having to be considerate - just me, myself and I. In control with what I want and happy. At peace with the world. Contented.

So now that the moment has finally come I presented options to my parents. They say I should be contented with a studio apartment which is half the price of a one bedroom and 'equally' comfortable.

I beg to differ.

Call me whatever you want - but after this nightmare of a year I really think I deserve more than 'comfortable'. I deserve fantastic. Even as I say this I feel guilt washing over me - how can I ask this out of my parents when I know they don't exactly grow money on trees and every cent that they spend on me was through their own sweat and toil? Why can't I be grateful and thankful that my parents would even entertain the idea of me staying alone as opposed to the cheaper alternative of living with housemates? Why?

I struggle to understand my parents' point of view. I really do. But at the same time - I want a nice apartment. I want a nice kitchen with an oven and a spice rack with a row of bottles filled with different pasta shapes. I want a home, not a student accomodation where I stretch my hand out and I'm in the kitchen and when I roll over I'm on my study desk.

I don't know which side of me is going to win.

Truth is - I guess deep down inside of me I know I should tell my parents that I choose a student accomodation. But my selfish alter ego is screaming NO. I can't help it. When I moved into this apartment from a luxury apartment last year - it was because the rent was cheap and see where that brought me to. Am I going to make the same mistake again?

I don't know what to do.

Labels: Life