Snippits of the PastBrowsed through my old blogs and realized that the person I was 4 years ago and the person I am now are two completely different people.
The person I was 4 years ago was perpetually depressed. Half my posts are about how I can't get out of bed and I hate my life. I have no idea how I lived like that.
I found this post after 9 months of living with that housemate from hell in my 3rd year. I read it now and I am brought back to the time where I felt so bad I could not even get out of bed.
For 9 months I endured everything from stolen peanut butter, missing toothbrushes, stolen towels, dirty kitchen, missing scarf without really snapping.
Sure, I snapped when my scarf disappeared. More like collapsed and couldn't get out of bed for an entire weekend. But now the small things are really getting to me. In short, I'm going crazy. Seriously.
I left a huge hostile note telling my housemate to &*(#@*)@ shut the microwave oven after using. It's one of my pet peeves. Hostile note also informed her to CLEAN UP AFTER HERSELF after she spills whatever she spills in the microwave.
Am I a demanding person? Is it a huge demand??
She heeded the note for a grand total of three days. WOW.
Doesn't help that a box of tissue paper (the only thing that isn't under lock and key in my room) that I left in the living room has mysteriously disappeared.
What have I done to deserve this? Is it because there's things that I'm doing that aggravates her and she's doing things like this on purpose to piss me off?
Is this karmic retribution for...oh, I don't know - not volunteering for charity or something? Being a little bit mean to a couple of people? Being me? WHAT? WHAT?
Do I have to reconcile with all the people in the past? Do I have to forgive everybody? Do I have to be nicer to my patients? What have I done to deserve this? This is punishment isn't it? Because if it isn't WHY ME?!?!?!?!!
Going crazy. Seriously - my sanity is on the line. Can't take a lot of this anymore.
I can read this post and laugh now but the truth is that at that point in time I was actually semi-suicidal.
Am grateful that part of my life is officially over.